Communication

<div class="about"> <H1>Signals With Love</H1> <section class="flex-container title"> <section class="titletext">Just like signs help guide traffic through busy streets, these [[signals|Sign List]] can help you guide your relationships through your busy lives for better communication and mutual love and support. Stop or yield signs that tell drivers what to do. These key words and gestures tell the other person what to do to support and help. My [[wife and I|Our Story]] developed our signs as we grew together--after each problem, we'd figure out what happened and what we could do next time. These signs helped us through life-threatening illnesses and minor everyday stuff. I hope you can use [[something like this|Develop Your Own]] in your relationships. <p class="begin"><img src="./img/arrow.jpg" alt=a yellow traffic arrow.> [[Begin|Driving Communication]]</p> [[Deena Larsen and MaJe Kindschuh|Our Story]] </section> <img src="./img/title-sign.jpg" alt=two figures walking down a street surrounded by yellow traffic signs that show the signs we talk about in this work.> </section> <p class="small"> //(originally published in Autism, Asperger's Digest Magazine, December 2010, adapted for hypertext 2024 as part of Deena's artist in residency at the <a href="https://labs.wsu.edu/grigar-ell/"; target="_blank">Electronic Literature Lab</a>, Washington State University at Vancouver. Photo by <a href="https://www.pexels.com/photo/people-walking-on-the-sidewalk-14309056/"; target="_blank">Rasheeque Ahnaf (Piash).</a> Graphics redone by Evan Leyden.</p> // </div>

<div class="sign"> <h2>(print: (passage:)'s name)</h2> <section class="flex-container"><img src="./img/vent.png" alt=yellow diamond with a face and hand showing the sign, explained below.> <div class="intro-text"><p>//(Two fingers form a V and go out from your mouth as if you were spewing something out//</p> <p class="red">That person cut you off in traffic. Your boss is up to their usual stupidities. Those guys keep insulting me. Life in general just... ARRRGH!!!</p> </div> </section> Use this to signal that you just need to complain about something and you don't want to try to solve it. (Note that this should be used for complaints outside of your relationship. Use a positive, [[explaining|Explain]] and [[problem solving|Problem Solve]] approach if you want to bring up something that bothers you within the relationship.) When you hear and see that your partner wants to vent, do not try to solve the problem. Listen and commiserate. Yes, people do not know how to drive. You bet, your boss is an inexecrable excuse for a human being. Man, they are just [[working out their own issues|Working Out Their Own Issues]] and it is just awful you have to be an innocent bystander in the middle of all that. Sure, life sucks sometimes. Repeat back key phrases and show you are listening. But remember you can not vent forever. This may be where a gentle [[keyword|Keyword]] can come in handy. Or an ice cream cone. Or a walk in the park. Or? <img src="./img/arrow.jpg" alt=a yellow traffic arrow.>[[Ground Rules]] to [[develop your own|Develop Your Own]] sign/rules Our [[signs|Sign List]] and [[story|Our Story]]

<div class="sign"> <h2>(print: (passage:)'s name)</h2> <section class="flex-container"><img src="./img/solve.png" alt=yellow diamond with a face and hand showing the sign, explained below.> <div class="intro-text">//Form a fist on your forehead as if you are squeezing the answers out of your brain// <p class="red">How in the world are we going to deal with this one?</p> </div> </section> Use this to get help with a situation, usually done after [[venting|Vent]] and blowing off some steam. When a person says "Solving Mode" and explains the probem, everyone puts on their thinking caps and comes up with solutions. Do not explore personal causes or seek to blame someone for the problem. This is not a blame game but a brainstorming exercise. Use the brainstorming rules here--don't just automatically reject a solution because an unworkable solution may be the stepping stone to one that does work beautifully. Not every problem can be solved automagically with just thinking about it. Some will require research and thought and time. But even being willing to eamine the problem from many aspects and open to trying things can help! [[Celebrating|Celebrate]] even very tiny baby step successes along the way can lighten the load and make the overwhelming seem possible--maybe even a wee bit fun. <img src="./img/arrow.jpg" alt=a yellow traffic arrow.>[[Ground Rules]] to [[develop your own|Develop Your Own]] sign/rules Our [[signs|Sign List]] and [[story|Our Story]]

<div class="sign"> <h2>(print: (passage:)'s name)</h2> <section class="flex-container"><img src="./img/celebrate.png" alt=yellow diamond with a face and hand showing the sign, explained below.> <div class="intro-text">//Curve your hands to make a C and go up your cheeks to mime a smile// <p class="red">Hey look, a puppy! Oh how cute. Wow, what an incredible test score. Way to go! You walked five steps further today than yesterday. Celebrate the small stuff as well as the big events. </p> </div> </section> Use this when you want to feel happy and to show you are celebrating--even a tiny step toward a [[solution|Problem Solve]] to a vexing [[problem|Vent]] or a day when the sun peeks out a bit or a pretty flower. Celebrate accomplishments and spread the cheer whenever you can. If one person wants to celebrate and one needs to just stew and [["Vent"|Vent]], then take turns. But celebrate first and foremost, because happy moods can be broken much more easily than sad or angry moods. <img src="./img/arrow.jpg" alt=a yellow traffic arrow.>[[Ground Rules]] to [[develop your own|Develop Your Own]] sign/rules Our [[signs|Sign List]] and [[story|Our Story]]

<div class="sign"> <h2>(print: (passage:)'s name)</h2> <section class="flex-container"><img src="./img/validate.png" alt=yellow diamond with a face and hand showing the sign, explained below.><div class="intro-text">//Two fingers form a V on your forehead.// <p class="red">Wait, validate that you [[did well|Celebrate]] today. Did you see that score? Reread that praise from your boss. See it and believe it. I need some validation today, as I am feeling down and upset. Do you love me? Yes, yes I truly do.</p> </div> </section> Use this for reassurance. Validate means that you can ask anything and the person will give you an honest (but supportive) answer, even though this may be the umpteenth time you have asked the question. This sign/rule signals that you need the comfort of hearing the answer again--not that you doubt them or that you are fishing for information. However, if you are askig a question here because you really don't know the answer, you may want to use a [[Check In]] instead, as this is also an honest answer but can lead to more deeper [[conversations|Explain]] If you or your partner get tired of this repetition, you can create a special One Billion Validation Notecard or other tangible reminder of this validation so that the reassurance is always at hand. You can also use this to signal to your partner that something is going well in the world, to balance out all the [[other pressing issues|Vent]]. Validate here shows that you recognize the good things that happen and you want to make sure your partner recognizes them as well. Never forget to [["Celebrate!"|Celebrate]] <img src="./img/arrow.jpg" alt=a yellow traffic arrow.>[[Ground Rules]] to [[develop your own|Develop Your Own]] sign/rules Our [[signs|Sign List]] and [[story|Our Story]]

<div class="sign"> <h2>(print: (passage:)'s name)</h2> <section class="flex-container"><img src="./img/checkin.png" alt=yellow diamond with a face and hand showing the sign, explained below.> <div class="intro-text">//Curved C on your forehead, so you can scoop their answers into your brain// <p class="red">Man you must be angry. I can see that scowl from here. Really, I just know you are upset about that--look at your red nose. Wait... don't just assume that!</p> </div> </section> You may think you can just tell what another person is thinking or feeling--but these facial cues are often deceptive. Is that smile true happiness? Is that a scowl or a look of pain? Is your partner angry at you or angry at the cop who just pulled you over for speeding? Use Check In to avoid misunderstandings and mistaken assumptions. Check in works like [[Validate]] as your partner agrees to tell you honestly what they are feeling. So you can ask "Check in, are you mad at me?" and the person can answer "Yes I was angry because I have told you not to speed on this road," (This leads to [[Explain]]) or "No, that cop was just a stupid jerk" (and now you can both [[Vent]]). Often, relationships falter because one partner thinks that the other is angry and does not "Check In. For example, I love camping, and I was taking my wife out on our first camping trip, where we both had an accident and promptly spilled our dinner in the fire. I thought that her face looked angry, but I wanted to continue camping and I thought, well, that wasn't MY fault, so if she is angry with me then I will be angry with her. When we both finally asked each other what was wrong, it turns out that she was cold and had also burned her hand a bit and was just enduring the trip. We fixed up her hand, got warm, and [[made a pact|Develop Your Own]]. Whenever either of us thought that the other was upset or angry, we'd "Check In" before assuming anything. When we "Checked In" then we could either [[reassure|Validate]] the other person, or we could [[explain|Explain]] what was going on to [[solve the problems|Problem Solve]] or [[create a new sign/rule|Develop Your Own]] to cover that situation. <img src="./img/arrow.jpg" alt=a yellow traffic arrow.>[[Ground Rules]] to [[develop your own|Develop Your Own]] sign/rules Our [[signs|Sign List]] and [[story|Our Story]] </div>

<div class="sign"> <h2>(print: (passage:)'s name)</h2> <section class="flex-container"><img src="./img/explain.png" alt=yellow diamond with a face and hand showing the sign, explained below.> <div class="intro-text">//Forefingers go back and forth from your mouth like talking.// <p class="red">Here is our comfy couch and our favorite teas. (Or here we are on a gorgeous, easy hike). Our phones are off, and we are ready to talk. What is going on?</p> </div> </section> This is a free pass to the other person's thoughts and feelings. It involves a deeper conversation than just a simple quick [["Validate"|Validate]] or [["Check In"|Check In]] This is a guilt-free session for all parties. But it is [[rooted in support|Ground Rules]] and a genuine desire to have an honest, caring, and healthy relationship. "Explain" is not the "Lucy, you got some 'splaining to do!" and expecting that the person will cower and explain what went wrong. Nor is it a [[problem solving brainstorm|Problem Solve]]. Rather, "Explain" means I love you and I want to understand you and listen to your point of view. You will need to create a time and place for an "Explain" session. When you do, make it a comforting atmosphere. When you explain, go back through the situation and take turns talking about how you felt and why you acted that way. After each person talks and you both are reassured that you understand the other person's position and needs, you can [[work on|Develop Your Own]] a sign or a way to handle these same kind of situations in the future. For example, I had just gotten out of the hospital when my wife, a lawyer, wanted me to go to an important client networking event. I did, but I was exhausted and needed to rest. I told her I needed to go, and she asked for just a few more minutes. By the time we left, my exhaustion was so bad that we ended up in the Emergency Room again. So after that, we developed [["Override"|Override]] as a shorthand to avoid that situation ever again. If talking is too painful, then you can write out your own explanations, trade papers (or emails or texts) and read the other person's out loud and slowly so you can truly grasp what they are saying. You may find that "Explain" situations bring up a lot of emotions, and you might find yourself getting angrier or more frustrated. Before you blow, take a [["Break"|Break]]. <img src="./img/arrow.jpg" alt=a yellow traffic arrow.>[[Ground Rules]] to [[develop your own|Develop Your Own]] sign/rules Our [[signs|Sign List]] and [[story|Our Story]] </div>

<div class="sign"> <h2>(print: (passage:)'s name)</h2> <section class="flex-container"><img src="./img/break.png" alt=yellow diamond with a face and hand showing the sign, explained below.> <div class="intro-text">//Two fists come together and break apart like you are sapping a twig.// <p class="red">You little B**tch! How dare you! I told you your mother was a truly horrific troll and this proves it! You are fat and ugly and nothing will ever change that!</p> </div> </section> Stop. You will regret those words later. They will haunt your relationship forever. "Break" means I need to stop right now and take a breather and calm down RIGHT NOW. Use this right before you reach the stage of "If I deal with this a moment longer, I'll do something I'll regret." Just like having a lunch break does not mean you are walking off of the job. "Break" does not mean that you are quitting the relationship or storming out. It means that you are simply taking a break to regroup and get yourself in a position where you can [[solve problems|Problem Solve]] and [[work out|Develop Your Own]] your relationships and communication strategies. "Break" means not another word on the subject you are arguing about for right now. You can talk about logistics on how to take that break: can we get a sitter for the kids and go for a silent hike, can you sit outside for a few minutes, can we finish this task or errand we are in the middle of, can we continue to talk about something else or do you need complete silence for a while? If you "Break" and do not settle into [["Explain"|Explain]] for a while (for us, that was more than an hour or two), then a subrule, [["Keyword"|Keyword]], comes into play automatically--just to [[reassure|Validate]] that this is a break to regroup and not a final shattering of the relationship. <img src="./img/arrow.jpg" alt=a yellow traffic arrow.>[[Ground Rules]] to [[develop your own|Develop Your Own]] sign/rules Our [[signs|Sign List]] and [[story|Our Story]] </div>

<div class="sign"> <h2>(print: (passage:)'s name)</h2> <section class="flex-container"><img src="./img/work.png" alt=yellow diamond with a face and hand showing the sign, explained below.> <div class="intro-text">//Three fingers forn a W, and you wipe the W away from you as if you are wiping those people out of your lives.// <p class="red">We watched as a couple berated the poor concierge at a conference hotel, yelling about how dare she and how stupid could she possibly be We told the concierge, who was in tears by this point, that those people were working out their own issues, and we showed her our secret sign. By the last day of the conference, every hotel worker was coming up to us, winking, and using the secret gesture.</p> </div> </section> Sometimes there are people in our lives who thrive on insults and abuse. They bully and belittle and generally cause mayhem to many psyches. These people can even pop up in our own families. Minimizing these contacts as much as possible without jeopardizing your own interests helps shield you and lets you grow and support your life. We can [["Vent"|Vent]] and just get the anger out of our systems, and we can [["Validate"|Validate]] with our partners to reassure ourselves that we are not to blame and not to take on any of those insults. But a quick shorthand is just the W wiping them away, as they are working out their own issues and it has absolutely nothing to do with our true selves. <p class="red">Hey that so and so cut me off! How dare they brake check me? What do they think the speed limit is, a turtle?</p> If you know someone who is a road rager like this, just play the //Working out their own issues //game: Make the sign and then come up with the worst or silliest issues you can think of that they are working out. Maybe they pissed off a heavy weight lifter in the gym or robbed a bank and are making a fast getaway. Maybe they are dealing with a snail infestation in their bathroom. Maybe .... <img src="./img/arrow.jpg" alt=a yellow traffic arrow.>[[Ground Rules]] to [[develop your own|Develop Your Own]] sign/rules Our [[signs|Sign List]] and [[story|Our Story]] </div>

<div class="sign"> <h2>(print: (passage:)'s name)</h2> <section class="flex-container"><img src="./img/override.png" alt=yellow diamond with a face and hand showing the sign, explained below.> <div class="intro-text">//Hands up in an X showing that you need to stop this now.// <p class="red">Override, I know we are going to be late, but I have to stop at that gas station bathroom now. Override, we have to leave the party now. Override, I am not taking those meds.<p> </div> </section> Signalling an "Override" means that your request now means that it is absolutely, positively, extremely, critically important that you get what you need this time. It is a quick word signal that you can use in the midst of a chaotic situation, where there is no time to [["Validate"|Validate]], [["Check In"|Check In]], or [["Explain"|Explain]]. These are emergencies where you feel this is vital to your health and safety. You don't use "Override" to stop for a candy bar just because you want one, but you could use it if you were diabetic and felt your blood sugar crashing. Using "Override" means that you agree to sit down and [["Explain"|Explain]] later, when you are all calm and in a comfortable space where you can talk at length. My wife and I very rarely used "Override," but it was the most powerful sign/rule we had. For example, I had been a wheelchair traveler for a long time, and when MaJe had to use a wheelchair herself and we were travelling, I tried to get her to take the wheelchair down the gateway to the plane door. The first trip down she did so, but then the second trip for our connecting flight, she said, "Override" and walked to the plane with her cane. When we were able to "Explain," she noted that the way her oxygen canister was balanced on the wheelchair bruised her when they went over the bumps in the jetway. Saying "Override" was the easiest way to explain. When you are dealing with [[severe illness|Death]] and it may be difficult to talk, "Override" helps tremendously. <img src="./img/arrow.jpg" alt=a yellow traffic arrow.>[[Ground Rules]] to [[develop your own|Develop Your Own]] sign/rules Our [[signs|Sign List]] and [[story|Our Story]] </div>

<div class="about"> <h2>(print: (passage:)'s name)</h2> Relationships are fragile: a misspoken word or gesture, a missed understanding, a wrong assumption can lead to acrimonious arguments and serious family rifts. Now chuck in any [[difficulty in reading|Neurodivergent]] faces and emotions, and you can wind up with even more communication breakdowns. Driving would be chaos if we did not have rules of the road--and that rule making applies to all social situations, including families and relationships. Just lke a red stop sign means stop and look, you cam estalbish sign/rules that signal what is going on as you drive through your life. Since there isn't a rule book for this, you and your family will have to estabilsh some your own practical rules with accompanying signs to promote clear communication. Have some open conversations about what you experience and what you need so you can work together to develop your own communication strategies and rules. This can help create a strong foundation, one built on trust and openness and support for each other. These traffic rules that [[my wife and I|Our Story]] developed for each other could help. These sign/rules make it much easier to understand when something significant needs to be communicated, and the person using the sign/rule has a pressing need wher you need a bit of shorthand as explaining the whole complexicated mess RIGHT NOW is just too hard. These are only suggestions--[[develop|Develop Your Own]] use what is best for your family. You can work these out with a partner, develop these as a family to teach [[your children|Be Gentle With Kids]] how to handle emotional situations, or even try a few of these (like [["Working Out Their Own Issues"|Working Out Their Own Issues]] in a work or school situation. <img src="./img/arrow.jpg" alt=a yellow traffic arrow.>[[Ground Rules]] to [[develop your own|Develop Your Own]] sign/rules Our [[signs|Sign List]] and [[story|Our Story]]

<div class="about"> <h2>(print: (passage:)'s name)</h2> I have a related neurodivergent disease where I do not recognize faces nor can I tell if someone is smiling or angry. I can't follow movies well because if a character changes dress, I get mixed up. As I was growing up, this condition (now called Face blindness or Prosopagnosia) was not even recognized-- let alone understood. And so I went through high school being called "stuck up" because I did not recognize people in the hallways. So I learned to smile and wave at everyone. If you see me, I will greet you effusively and ask how you are, how your family is, your life, all so that I can furiously figure out who you are, because usually I have no idea. For the first few weeks that we were dating, my wife MaJe had no idea how bad this was. We were eating a celebratory dinner as I had just been released from the hospital and a stranger came up to me, greeting me like a long-lost friend and was so happy I was out of the hospital now. This stranger and I chatted amicably for about 10 minutes while I probed and probed and had no idea who this was. I did not introduce MaJe. When he left, MaJe turned to me and asked who that had been. No idea, I told her. Never saw this friend before in my life. Another time, I followed the wrong person out of a store. After that, MaJe always wore a purple hat with a blue ostrich feather so I could not miss her again. Likewise, I can't just sense emotions. For me, a flower or a rock has as much emotional relevance as someone's face. I tried for years with pictures to figure this out, and I still have no idea. So relationships where someone expects me to just know what they are feeling by looking at them do not work well for me. Now I know that I need to announce my difficulties at the outset, whether this be startig a job or teaching a class or being in a relationship. But when MaJe and I got together, I was still desperately trying to hide my [[condition|Neurodivergent]]. And she of course, was neurotypical and could tell emotions. But we both wanted to support each other and thus we [[developed these tools|Develop Your Own]]. These communication sign/rules helped us weather both my life-threatening illness and her eventual cancer and even her [[passing|Death]]. And I have used them ever since. <img src="./img/arrow.jpg" alt=a yellow traffic arrow.>[[Ground Rules]] to [[develop your own|Develop Your Own]] sign/rules Our [[signs|Sign List]] </div>

<div class="about"> <h2>(print: (passage:)'s name)</h2> Neurodivergent is a way of saying that a person does not view the world in the same (neurotypical) expected manner as others within their culture. This does not have to be related to a disease like autism or face blindness, but it can be. It can also be as simple as someone's ability to master social cues. Some people are good at learning languages and others aren't. Some folks are good at understanding and communicating emotions, and others aren't. While [[my wife, MaJe, and I|Our Story]] developed these sign/rules to help our mixed marriage (of neurodivergetnt and neurotypical), I've shared these sign/rules with many others and have found that anyone can benefit from clearer communication. <img src="./img/arrow.jpg" alt=a yellow traffic arrow.>[[Ground Rules]] to [[develop your own|Develop Your Own]] sign/rules Our [[signs|Sign List]] and [[story|Our Story]] </div>

<div class="about"> <h2>(print: (passage:)'s name)</h2> All of our sign/rules came out of a particular problem or misunderstanding between us. We established this process to be able to solve problems in a positive ways. Just knowing that there was a way we could handle conflict made our love and support for each other grow. Our sign/rules may not fit your family or your relationships. You will probably need to develop your own to fit your situation. When (and note it is always when and not if as there will always be onflict or misunderstandings in any relationship) you have an issue, carve out some time to talk comfortably. This can be on a walk, a long drive, a comfy couch. If you have not developed [[Ground Rules]] for talking, do that first. Then address the particular situation: ''What happened? ''What did each of you see or think? What did you assume? ''What is the underlying need? ''For example, in [["Vent"|Vent]], our underlying needs were to be able to complain about a situation (like a rude and impatient nurse who put in a painful IV and not have someone try to solve the problem. In [["Problem Solve"|Problem Solve]], on the other hand, the need was to determine what to do about the painful IV and not distract ourselves with blaming the mean nurse. ''What can we do next time? ''There will be a next time, and we could come up with ways to signal what we needed to the other person. After using the sign/rule a few times, we [["Checked In"|Check In]] to make sure that the way we were communicated worked out for each other. It may take practice, but as you use your own sign/rules, you'll begin to identify countless circumstances that could benefit from this way to [[examine issues|Explain]] and develop shorthand ways to help you communicate. These sign/rules helped us navigate through some rough roads, and I hope they can help your famly through your journeys in life. <img src="./img/arrow.jpg" alt=a yellow traffic arrow.>Our [[signs|Sign List]] and [[story|Our Story]]

<div class="about"> <h2>(print: (passage:)'s name)</h2> As you [[develop|Develop Your Own]] and use your sign/rules, lay out and follow some ground rules for your relationship: 1. Use these sign/rules honestly. The goals here are to have a loving, mutually supportive relationship--not to play hurtful games or to score points. 2. To make sure that your partner both hears and sees you, say the sign/rule word along with a specific gesture to indicate this is important and that you need the other person to listen and understand. You may want to ask the other person to repeat back the sign/rule. 3. Say and gesture these sign/rules at the beginning of your conversation to signal the other person. That way, your partner knows what is expected of them. <img src="./img/arrow.jpg" alt=a yellow traffic arrow.> [[Develop your own|Develop Your Own]] sign/rules! [[You can use them with children, too|Be Gentle With Kids]]! Our [[signs|Sign List]] and [[story|Our Story]]

<div class="sign"> <h2>(print: (passage:)'s name)</h2> //Whisper or say this--there is no real gesture that accompanies a keyword.// <p class="red">Fish sticks. Jumbo Thai. Red and yellow tulips. Peanut butter and the parrot. Wilderness on Wheels. That crazy guy with rainbow pants. Hospital Prank 1. Rabbit ear prank.</p> These are keywords that mean something only to the other person. These words evoke a memory or two for us. Jumbo Thai, for example, was where [[my wife and I|Our Story]] spent our first date. The rabbit ear prank was when she had a full pouch of oxygen that looked like a rabbit twitching its cheeks. Every time someone would come over, she'd slip her rabbit ears on and wriggle her nose with the oxygen pouch--and it was hilarious every single time. Wilderness on Wheels allowed us to camp even when we both needed to use wheelchairs. Your relationship has its own keywords--just a phrase or so that reminds you both of a wonderful, magical time together. When you are finished [[venting|Vent]], before you [[problem solve|Problem Solve]], if you just want to [[celebrate|Celebrate]] when nothing else comes to mind, use a keyword to trigger those happy memories. But this rule comes mostly into play during [["Breaks"|Break]]. While you are on break, you are still in a relationship. [[So agree|Develop Your Own]] on an interval of time beforehand (ours was two hours or so and before bed). And then regularly like clockwork while you are on "Break" and before you settle down to [["Explain"|Explain]] then you each tell each other a keyword phrase. You don't need to do any more than that to keep connecting. <img src="./img/arrow.jpg" alt=a yellow traffic arrow.>[[Ground Rules]] to [[develop your own|Develop Your Own]] sign/rules Our [[signs|Sign List]] and [[story|Our Story]] </div>

<div class="about"> <h2>(print: (passage:)'s name)</h2> I hesitated before putting this in, but I am going to anyway. My wife, MaJe, passed away from ovarian cancer. These sign/rules that we had developed when we were both relatively healthy or we were going through other crises made communicating at the end so much easier. It was hard for her to talk after the cancer had started to attack her larynx and her lungs. So on her last day, we had gone into the hospice to get some relief from a pressing pain problem. The doctor went over her options, which included some medications that might help, but might not, and had some other drawbacks. They also wanted to do some life-saving or prolonging work that would hurt her even more than she was hurting already. She shook her head and said Override. Nothing tonight. I said, you heard her. This is her decision. No, we are not doing that tonight. The doctor said tht we would not have to do it that night, but we could regroup in the morning. My wife passed away peacefully that night, and I have always treasured the reassurance that, with that single phrase, we respected all of her wishes. <img src="./img/arrow.jpg" alt=a yellow traffic arrow.>[[Ground Rules]] to [[develop your own|Develop Your Own]] sign/rules Our [[signs|Sign List]] and [[story|Our Story]] </div>

<div class="about"> <h2>(print: (passage:)'s name)</h2> Just as we don't expect a child to drive, we should not expect a child to fully engage these sign rules. But your kids can start to use these types of signs and think of ones that would help them communicate as well. This can be a great way to develop healthy relationships within families, avoid trauma and arguments and hurt feelings, To introduce these sign/rules, choose one sign/rule that deals with a current issue. For exzmple, if you child gets angry or frustrated easily, introduce the sign/rule for [["Break"|Break]] so that your child can communicate //"I need a time out" // before melting down. This can be a safety need and you may not want to add the expectation of probing further with [["Explain"|Explain]]. As you use your sign/ rules, ask everyone involved with your children to use these sign/rules consistently so that they can learn these--just as they pick up language. <img src="./img/arrow.jpg" alt=a yellow traffic arrow.>[[Ground Rules]] to [[develop your own|Develop Your Own]] sign/rules Our [[signs|Sign List]] and [[story|Our Story]]

<div class="about"> <h2>(print: (passage:)'s name)</h2> These are the signs that [[my wife|Our Story]] developed so that we coud navigate through a [[neurodivergent|Neurodivergent]]/neurotypical relationship. [[Celebrate]]: //Hooray for what goes right!// [[Vent]]: //I am so angry right now...// [[Problem Solve]]: //Ready to tackle this problem!// [[Validate]]: //I need some reassurance// [[Check In]]: //I need to know what is going on// [[Override]]: //It's an emergency and we ''HAVE ''to do this my way// [[Break]]: //I need a time out to calm down ''NOW.''// [[Keyword]]: //I still love you and let's smile and remember when we . . . // [[Explain]]: //Let's talk this through// [[Working Out Their Own Issues]] //Those guys have nothing to do with us!!// [[Ground Rules]] to [[develop your own|Develop Your Own]] sign/rules even for [[kids|Be Gentle With Kids]]. </div>